A letter from a stay-at-home mom to a working mom

Dear Full-time Mom,

As a stay-at-home mom I would like to say I admire you. Two of my closest mom friends within the last year became full-time working moms. Before then they were stay-at-home moms that planned to homeschool there kiddos. Then life happened, one of them had to work to provide for necessities because her husband was not making enough financial to support there basic needs. Then she had to work a second job because of her husband having a sudden disability not allowing him to work. My other mom friend was staying at home and her husband chose to leave her and left her with nothing and her being the fighter she is she didn't want to have to depend on him and went to work and put her kiddos in school. You see these full-time working mothers make time to cook, clean, do laundry, maintain their homes/yards while first and foremost giving their kids quality time. They are always striving to be a better mom and meet the spiritual, emotional, and physical needs of their children. I imagine what your day and week is like, I think well, they get up earlier than everyone else to make sure to get ready for the day, maybe read their bible, pray, workout, shower, put on makeup, throw on something presentable or maybe they go all out! They think of all that needs to be done just for that day and the schedule is full, and most of the time this thought is a continuation of the night before. In the middle of that thought they prep breakfast for themselves and prep any snacks the kids will need for the day, or place money in their bags for lunch, and kiss their kids on the head as they sleep..or maybe some wake them up and make sure they wash their face and brush their teeth, eat a good amount of their breakfast, get dressed and are sure to all leave the door in time. You have sibling fights, grumpy kids and other times just conversations of dreams the night before or other conversations. After dropping kids off at school there is traffic and you with your thoughts of financial stresses or family dramas/problems. You continue to plan your day out or jam out to your favorite song to get your mind off of everything for a second, or are praying asking for help or understanding or giving thanks. Once at work you have your responsibilities and tasks to get done at work, there is problem solving, maybe drama, maybe stressful situations on top of that the days/weeks/months of stressful personal situations. Important life altering decisions. Family sickness. All thoughts that come in an out as you work. Maybe sometimes your work is so high demand you have no time to really think on problems outside of work. Then there is good moments at work, times of fun, and enjoyment that take the load off. Then when its time to leave work you have to get ready because today is little Johnny's soccer practice, or Suzy's ballet, or you have to get home to do laundry because its falling behind and your kids need clean clothes. You have heart to hearts with your kids about school, their dad, there friends, and how they feel. You  make time to do a special activity with your kids individually or even as a whole. These are all just a scratch of the surface. I think of my two friends and all they do everyday and how they strive to meet their kiddos needs, their own, and their financial needs, and I can relate. Being a stay-at-home mom is not less then being a full-time working mom. And being a full-time working mom is not less then being a stay-at-home mom. We are all trying to do whats best for our families. I admire your valor and courage to meet everyone of your needs and I could never know the circumstance or situation because I am not you. But Just know that I admire you for making time for your kids as much as you can, for busting your tails off to help your husbands because they cant find work or because he doesn't make enough money for your family needs, or the single moms who don't want to depend on their ex-husband who is unreliable financially or the ex who is verbally abusive for you receiving part of his income, or an ex who is not present in any way and doesn't pay child support. No matter the circumstance, I will not judge you because I know you are striving to be better and provide and you are working hard outside of the workplace to be sure your kids needs are being met. Just know from at least one stay-at-home/homeschooling mom...I respect and admire you. I will not criticize or condemn you because you are doing the best you can just like the rest of us.

Love always,

Stay-at-home Mom

Renewing of the mind....

So just a quick post....I actually have a post that's saved to my draft I just don't have my focus on the Sacred Marriage right now; although my focus, in its own buck-wild way, is allowing my marriage bond to grow. I am actually trying to change my own heart right now, and not PRIMARILY for my marriage but for my identity in Him.

 For the last two months my sister-in-law, Ruth, has been leading a group on Self-worth. There are four girls in total (including me) and it was definitely appointed by God. I am trying to grow in maturity not just spiritually but naturally. Through this group I have realized how jacked up I am! Throughout this group the Lord has shown so much of my heart; but to keep it simple, this weeks meditation verse was Proverbs 16:3:

 "Commit your actions to the Lord, and your plans will succeed."

Now, last Monday, when it was assigned, I wrote it on my mini dry erase board on the fridge. and I would wake up and read it and say it a few times in my head as I made breakfast for everyone. Well after like the third day I decided to overcome complacency and actually read and think a bit more on it, or meditate as some would say. And I thought what are my plans?...well, to be a better mom first of all, because I am second to worst! And be a better wife to, of course, be a pleasing fragrance to the Lord. I then concluded, to have my assignment completed (which is to mediate and write down what you got out of the verse), that I needed to commit to the Lord by doing little things throughout the day to fill my heart with spiritual things and feel as though I am doing something and those things will give me the energy to forgo the day...which is true in a sense. I just had it a bit twisted...my heart motive was to change but primarily to complete my assignment so I could tell Ruth I actually did my assignment, so that she could tell me, "Good job, Mari."  and make myself feel like something is actually changing...but if I do that every time there won't be true growth it will just be temporary fulfillment and false humility! Well, the Lord sure is faithful even when we aren't! That same day I heard Holy Spirit say, "Your identity is not in your husband, your identity is not in your children, but your identity is in Me."....what was my first reaction, and as pathetic as this sounds, I thought..."Oooo that's good! I am writing that on my status...My identity is not in my husband, my identity is not in my children but my identity is in Him!"

Well, I didn't post it because I felt a little conviction telling me not to for only one reason, but I thought it was for a butt load of other reasons. Turns out, that it wasn't because other people couldn't "handle it" or even get offended and write stupid comments or because some would agree yet their actions and other statuses speak differently BUT because He was speaking to me! Well, after I felt conviction to not post what the Lord spoke to me but to instead "keep that to myself" for my "butt load of reasons", I remembered a verse I read the week before which is 1 Peter 5:2:

"Care for the flock that God has entrusted to you. Watch over it willingly, not grudgingly—not for what you will get out of it, but because you are eager to serve God."

Lets just say that verse was made for me! My own resentment, regret, and bitterness has made my daily tasks seem like a punishment, not everyday (now) but I have my days and they are often. After reading Proverbs 16:3, I said that I would commit to serving God so that I would care for my family willingly not grudgingly, by leaning on him and laying it all before him and try to be honest and deal with what is in my heart, which that is part of it, but at the beginning of that day it would be just that and after breakfast that was out the window and as soon as Joel and I would argue about something or my plans for the day didn't go according to how I wanted it to, I would flip my lid on either Joel or Joel Jr. Well the problem here is not that I am crazy, but that my identity is found in everything but God...because although I want to serve God, my mindset is I do things for my husband or I do things for my kids and that is serving God. And it is but I think what the Lord was trying to tell me was that I can't do things to please my husband or for his acceptance and make things look good for others to see or even to do all that I can to make my kids into a mighty men and women of God or really, really smart so that I could be considered a great mom with the most amazing kids, but if that is my heart motive/motivation then all is loss. Also, that my focus when meditating on a verse or reading the word is not to be a better wife or mom but to be a better daughter, bride and lover of God. To find my identity in Him and not my identity as a wife or a mom because when I focus on my identity in Him those things will fall into place. My husband and kids are humans and often fail to meet my every desire but God does not and I need my focus to be solely on Him and who I am in Him as an individual, because at the end of the day I am first and foremost a child, daughter, and bride of God. How that for this weeks assignment?! LOL :)

"Your hands have made me and fashioned me; Give me understanding, that I may learn your commandments." Psalms 119:73

 

Sacred Marriage

Joel and I during our courtship

I started this blog as a therapy for my husband and I but also to help others. Let me explain, Joel and I met in church, Joel decided that he wanted to pursue me. I was very attracted to Joel both spiritually and physically. Our heart motives were genuine and pure; we wanted to be lifelong partners. Joel wanted to marry me and I wanted to marry him, so we began our courtship. We placed no standards and found ourselves in a place of compromise.... we fell sexually. *gasp* This, my friends is the realness of it, we all fall short of the Glory of God, no matter what it looks like. All sins are equal to the Lord.

Fast-forward 2 years and 2 babies later. We were in a desolate place, longing for more than each other. That passion after the first few months was gone and what was left was daily frustrations with one another and it primarily rooted in frustration with our self. Our relationship with God diminished and we found ourselves in lukewarm waters, portraying false passion for one another and for God. Don't get me wrong we loved each other and the Lord but we weren't pursuing Him and this caused us to have no passion for life or one another. And now our issues were overflowing from our hearts. At the edge of the cliff and with the attack of Satan at our doorstep, we decided we needed help. We contacted someone for counseling and he recommended a book called Sacred Marriage. Now we are reading it together and are receiving prayer. This is our journey of healing and working on OUR hearts and OUR relationship with God.

I have created this blog not to make others feel "better" about themselves and have pity on our marriage or even, on our behalf, to portray false humility, but to be living examples and help others to examine their hearts and be real with themselves and their spouse. I hope you can receive something from our journey of a Sacred Marriage.